Thread
by RealmOfPossibility
Summary: Post-Frozen arc. Robin and Regina are back together at some point in S4. As they navigate this new start, a harmless suggestion from Robin forces Regina to confront the obstacles between them, obstacles of her own making… One-shot.


**A/N Thought I'd go beyond the immediate post-3x22 timeline to imagine how things go when Robin and Regina reunite after whatever happens early in Season 4 (I'm assuming they break up for a while). I have no idea how the Marian mess is going to be fixed and I don't like trying to predict canon, so I only vaguely allude to it in this story.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Thread**

She feels a shooting stab in her gut the moment Robin suggests it. It almost takes her by surprise.

Almost.

There shouldn't be anything in this land or any other that should surprise her anymore. Nothing that should be unexpected or shocking to any of them really.

Outwardly, of course, she registers no reaction. After the initial pain, a dull ache spreads up and throughout her chest, making it feel tight like a vice. She has a sudden desire to press her hand to her chest, to push in on the pressure, to push it down deep until she can't feel it anymore.

It's not the first time she's felt like this lately, a notion frustratingly indicative of her lifelong search for happiness. Feeling exhausted and insecure, instead of excited and…hopeful. Or something like it that she's never been quite able to grasp.

"_Perhaps you'd like to take a ride with me on Thursday. They say the weather will be fine."_

Regina inwardly gathers every ounce of her strength and breathes in deeply, while trying to appear enthusiastic at the idea of getting on a horse. Ever the master of control (or is that a decades-long illusion?), she stretches her mouth into a smile, though it feels like it's reflecting pain and not eagerness. Dread and not anticipation. Robin, however, seems not to notice, gazing at her with an expectant grin as he drapes his arms around her shoulders, leaning his face in close to hers. Swallowing dryly, her limbs suddenly seem entirely too heavy for her to hold herself up. She lifts arms that have become one hundred pound dead weights and places her hands on his hips.

It's been a long…what? Long month? Long year? Whatever it is, it feels so much longer than any minutes on a clock she could count.

Now, she feels disgusted with herself, with this inability to shut off thoughts that drip into her mind like a monotonous tap.

And she hasn't even said yes yet.

All of a sudden, it's not the _being together_ that's the problem, though that's more than enough to keep her mind occupied for endless, sleepless hours each night (Alone, of course. They certainly aren't ready for _that)_. That's the thing that's _really_ been on her mind for days, ever since their reunion. Their reunion, a week old (barely as long as their relationship _before_ Emma and Hook brought a nightmare back with them). Their reunion, born of disaster and redemption, more than just her own.

A reunion she had fought and fought against.

Had he worn her down with his repeated, earnest attempts to find a way back into her heart and his fierce declarations that their second chance wasn't lost? She hadn't been trying to be coy, or play hard to get by holding back. Those were frivolous games she had no interest in playing. After her initial anger and hopelessness about, well, everything, she had _seen_ the conflict in his eyes while they had been apart, those moments when he thought she didn't see him watching her.

It is indicative of the change in her. Being able to see past her own pain.

Yes, maybe she had allowed her jagged edges to be worn down just enough. Or had she foolishly listened again to advice from Snow White not to be held back by her own fears?

It appears she is unlikely ever to learn. Not from her younger self's wide-eyed, foolish dreams. Not from her mother's brutal realities. Not from that fateful night in the stables when she'd leant over the limp body of her love and watched her hopes dash to pieces among the straw.

And not from that moment in the diner when she'd watched her future go up in smoke as her soulmate came face to face with his dead wife.

In these new, tentative moments with him, she's revelled in his kisses, the gentleness of his fingertips across her face, the murmured whisperings in her ear that make her shiver. It always comes with a warning, though. In her mind, so quiet she almost doesn't hear it. But, it's there.

And it's left her determined not to allow herself to be left wide open for the hit ever again.

It's going to come from somewhere. She's been keeping vigil, waiting for it, waiting for the next storm that will shatter this uneasy peace.

She looks up into his eyes, bringing herself back to the moment.

_Perhaps you'd like to take a ride with me…_

No.

No, she would not.

Any word association exercise she might undertake would join together only one word with the idea of riding. There would be only one name, no matter how many times she might do such an exercise.

She'd managed to avoid it for over thirty years. After the darkness had consumed her and she'd begun her reign as the Evil Queen, she'd ridden many times. But, by then, she'd been swallowed whole by shadows and blackness and the feel of a horse underneath her barely even registered as something that held any meaning.

The Curse had created a place with stables and, at first, she had sometimes wondered if it had tapped into some unknown corner of her mind, as if it were something she still wanted.

She never went there, though.

After the Curse had been broken, she'd been forced into going to the stables. Forced, as it turned out, by that one word, that one name she would ever associate with riding. She recalled vividly the memory of the hard ground beneath her knees, her hands clutching at pieces of straw as she had sobbed and choked that most final of goodbyes.

And then, she'd closed her mind completely to the idea of ever going back.

Closed her mind to a lot of things.

Even in that year when they'd returned to the Enchanted Forest, she'd managed to avoid riding, had let others make use of the horses, had used a carriage when the need arose. Of course, during most of the time they'd spent traveling to the castle in the beginning, she'd been entirely wrapped up in aching for Henry and walking it out had been the only thing she could do.

"Regina?"

She blinks and curls her mouth upward again, nodding, knowing her voice would fail her if she attempted a verbal answer. She feels his lips ghost over her cheek and closes her eyes, allowing the moment to breathe. It feels good. _He_ feels good. It hasn't been that long that she's forgotten what he feels like.

But, that has never been her problem. Enjoying the sensual. Taking pleasure in the physical, even when it turned hard and dark like everything else. What they're doing now, it's not intimacy, she won't call it that. She'd held her hand out tentatively to that in possibly the most courageous act she'd ever tried and got it slapped back. It's nice, though, his skin against hers, the roughness of the stubble along his jaw.

"So, shall I come and get you early?" Robin murmurs in her ear. "Say, 7:30?"

She won't tell him. Can't tell him. She remembers the last time they'd shared innermost thoughts, personal stories of first love and the ruination that was born of that.

It's something they have in common, Regina realises. A second wound inflicted by the same subject, a repeating heartache chosen by no one. Though this time, she hadn't been responsible for it.

Little solace.

He's still waiting for an answer. She nods against his jaw again, pressing into him briefly, before pulling back slightly. His eyes crinkle in a way she finds comforting. Familiar. It is she who presses their lips together, bringing one hand up to cup the back of his head as their mouths move.

She does take pleasure in the physical.

And now, she has over a day to build herself up.

"I should go," she whispers. "Henry will be waiting."

A day to block out any unwelcome feelings that might unravel her.

"See you then," he says, leaning in for another quick press of lips.

A day to render herself immune from something forty years had not been able to purge.

As she turns from him and walks away down the street, Regina briefly wonders what the hell she's trying to do.

* * *

Henry's already at Granny's, has been there for awhile, some homework spread out over the table, a cup of cocoa precariously close to the edge. Regina moves it closer to the middle as she slides into the booth and places her jacket on the seat beside her.

Henry looks up with a smile.

"Hi Mom."

She smiles back and it feels real and she feels lighter. She wants to reach forward and brush his hair out of his eyes, tell him he needs a haircut or perhaps just a hairbrush, but she doesn't. He's thirteen and wants desperately to be treated like a man. She's trying to meet him halfway.

There have been times, lately, when she's caught glimpses of the man he will one day become. Unfortunately, those instances have come at the expense of seeing what a child should never witness of his mother. Those nights when he wrapped his arms tightly around her and refused to let go as she fought not to explode into thousands of tiny shards. Those times when he placed himself between his mother and the people he imagined were trying to hurt her.

A threat from a young boy is still something to be heeded.

The two halves of her heart battle against each other constantly. That times should have changed so much that he would be defending her, reassuring her. And that he should not have to do it in the first place.

"Coffee, Regina?"

She looks up at Ruby standing next to the booth, pen and notepad in hand. Regina nods.

"To go. And I think a muffin, too. Whatever you have." She turns back to Henry. "What are you working on?"

He glances up at her momentarily, scratching at his forehead.

"Math homework," he replies, frowning.

She leans forward, narrowing her eyes to look at his hand-written scrawl. She reaches out and points at a line of miscalculations and he looks down, before huffing a sigh and turning his pencil over to erase the mistake.

"Like I told you," he replies to her raised eyebrow. "_Not_ Stephen Hawking."

She leans back with a smile, just as Ruby returns with her order.

"Yet." She lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug.

He grunts sceptically, before nodding down at her wrist.

"What time is it?" he asks.

She glances down at her watch.

"Just after 4."

He immediately starts throwing papers and pens into his backpack. She winces at the sound of paper tearing.

"Oops," he says. "I told Grandma I'd babysit Neal for an hour or two."

"Will you be home for dinner?" she asks, mentally listing their meal options.

He nods and throws his still-open backpack over his shoulders. He slides out from behind the table and leans down to kiss her cheek. He's thirteen, but not embarrassed enough yet to refrain from such affection. He's trying to be a man, but seems to know that she still needs him to be her boy.

"Love you, Mom."

And that still makes her glow inside every time.

"I love you too, Henry," she says.

He nods and rushes to the door, almost bumping into Snow, who's coming in. Regina shakes her head as she hears his exclamations.

"_I'm going, I'm going!"_

The door to the diner closes and the bell dies down.

"Mind if I join you?"

Regina looks up at Snow, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and nods. It's strange how she barely even hesitates anymore when Snow asks something of her.

Or maybe not strange at all.

"Henry said he was going to look after Neal," she says.

Snow smiles and nods tiredly.

"Yes. I left him with Emma until Henry made it." She smiles gratefully as Ruby appears with a large cup of something and wraps her fingers around it tightly. "Have you been here long?"

Regina shakes her head.

"No. And I'm about to head back to the office for an hour or so to finish up some things." She pushes the bag with the muffin toward Snow. "Here. Enjoy the peace and quiet."

Snow looks inside the bag, then back up at her.

"Are you seeing Robin tonight?" she asks.

The half-smile still on her face after seeing Henry almost slips. She brightens it and blinks, shaking her head.

"Not until Thursday," she replies evenly, feeling that tightening in her chest creeping back. For a pleasant half-moment, she'd pushed it to the back of her mind.

Snow's head tilts slightly.

"What's on Thursday? I live vicariously through other people these days."

Regina busies herself with leaving some bills on the table, picking up her jacket to lie across her arm and grabbing her coffee cup, and starts to slide out of the booth.

"Oh, just an outing he's planned." _Yes, that's all. _An outing for the two of them to get better acquainted.

She should have known that wouldn't be enough to satisfy Snow and her damned curiosity.

"Oh? Where are you going?"

_Tell her quickly and go_.

"To the stables. We're taking a ride." She is certain her voice has betrayed nothing and stands up, lifting her hand in a goodbye gesture. "I really should be going."

"Regina…"

She tells herself she doesn't see the look Snow gives her before she leaves, a look that says she's suddenly very interested in what Regina has said. The woman doesn't know every thought in her head. After what they've all been through recently, though, she certainly knows a lot more than Regina would like.

Her house seems to be a magnet that Snow gravitates towards whenever she takes one of her many late-night drives around town in an attempt to soothe Neal to sleep. And Regina can't seem to help herself when she sees Snow's exhausted, pleading eyes and steps back from her door to allow the woman entry.

Late-night drives become late-night conversations. They're not heart-to-hearts, there's too many awkward silences for that. But, there are admissions, apologies…feelings. And she's almost grateful at how she feels the tiniest bit better afterward.

Now that she's supposed to have hope again, Regina doesn't want to discuss what going for a ride with Robin means with her former step-daughter. She won't be able to fake her way through Snow's happy babble. She won't be able to pretend that she feels nothing but excitement at the thought of a day with her soulmate.

Snow's declaration that she _knows_ her may just have turned out to be true.

Which is why she exits the diner a little faster than necessary.

* * *

The kitchen is silent, but for the ticking of each second by the clock on the wall. She's been up for hours, sometimes wandering aimlessly, sometimes sitting and trying to occupy herself with work. It's been her routine since he'd asked her. She's grown more and more aggravated with herself, not at the thoughts that won't leave her head, but at her simple inability to put a clamp on them, cut them off at the pass.

And now it's 7:30.

She feels rigid and tense, hardly the type of mood one should be in while waiting for a lover. Although, could he be classed as a lover if there had been no actual…loving?

Perhaps that's what she needs, Regina thinks with a wry smile. A right, royal…

The doorbell rings.

Her smile fades. She hadn't been that amused anyway.

The pressure in her chest increases. She stands and makes her way slowly to the front door, collecting her things along the way. She shouldn't be doing this. Shouldn't be walking towards this man as if she were a death-row inmate walking to the chamber.

He cares about her. He chose her.

And she's still thinking about a boy lying dead in a stable a realm and four decades away.

She puts her hand on the doorknob and inhales what may turn out to be the deepest breath she gets all day.

He's leaning against the doorframe when she opens the door and his eyes do that crinkling thing that she likes. She smiles back, straightening her shoulders as if that will ease the ache in her chest. He reaches out and takes her jacket and bag from her, waiting as she pulls the door shut behind her and checks that it's locked.

"Ready?" he asks and she nods.

No. No, she's not ready, but she refused to say what was on her mind, hadn't said how she really felt and now she has to deal with it. And she can. She will.

She'd lived a year in the Enchanted Forest apart from Henry, hadn't she? Had woken up each day with her heart firmly in her chest, thanks to Snow, and carried on.

Why shouldn't she be able to do something as normal as this?

"Are you alright?"

She starts, realising she still has one hand wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, though she'd had the presence of mind to turn the engine of the Benz off. She turns her head to look at him.

He's not an idiot. She's never thought he was, which is why she's utterly unsurprised at his question, rather that he hadn't asked it earlier.

She forces a smile she can't feel in her eyes.

"Yes. It's just…been awhile." Mostly a lie, but it holds enough of the truth that she doesn't feel guilty for it.

He gets out of the car and walks around to open her door. It makes her heart sink a little. He's paid nothing but attention to her since they decided to try again, which is more than she can say for herself. He listens to her when she speaks which, granted, isn't all that often. He does all the chivalrous things he did before. He kisses her like he wants her, looks at her like she is a rare and precious treasure, holds her like…

She wonders how he can since everything that has transpired. She knows why she doesn't.

She pushes herself out of the car and he shuts the door, before reaching down to take her hand. She holds his tightly. To him, it probably feels like nerves. To her, it feels like overcompensation.

They walk up the path together and the stable manager is waiting for them at the entrance. He doesn't appear at all fazed at seeing her, though she has to admit that it's been awhile since anyone looked at her with suspicion or fear.

She wouldn't want them to anyway.

She catches some of the conversation, something about her being given a more gentle mare. She wonders if Robin asked for that and how he knew.

And then, the manager is bidding them a good morning and walking away and there's nothing to do but go inside, into the stables.

These stables look nothing like those she frequented in the Enchanted Forest. But, she remembers what happened beyond that door. Remembers the monster that had once been her Daniel. Remembers that brief lucid moment, before she'd erased him forever, added him to a long list of what she'd lost.

Regina's hand is still in Robin's as they walk inside. Her eyes can't help but immediately be drawn to that door. Where he'd grabbed her by the throat and tried to choke the life out of her. Where she'd raised a trembling hand and turned him to dust. Watched her fleeting hopes once again be crushed.

She hears a dull roaring in her ears as they walk forward. She manages to keep her back straight and her shoulders high, even as she's looking at _that_ door. She wonders how many times she's had to fake her way through, through balls at the palace, through meetings, through…

"Regina?"

She realises immediately that Robin has let go of her hand. She looks up at him, her brow furrowed.

"What is it?" she asks.

He regards her thoughtfully.

"I was hoping you would tell _me_."

She swallows, lifting her hands to slide them into the pockets of her jacket. They're not shaking yet.

"I'm fine. Which horse will you be riding?" she asks.

He shakes his head and looks at her for a long moment.

"You think I don't know there's something going on?" he asks finally, his voice laced with some kind of edge. It might be hurt. "You think I don't see you pretending?"

She shifts her weight and opens her mouth. He raises a hand.

"Don't say anything if it's not the truth. Tell me why the thought of being here has made you so…" He gestures helplessly. "Why you haven't relaxed since I told you the idea. Or why you've closed yourself off from me. You said yes to a new start between us, but you're miles away and I don't know where you are."

Regina thinks about taking a step back. But, one step would lead to a second and a third and then she'd be out the door and into her car and back in her house, where she'd lock the door and stop opening it to invite people in.

It's like being at the door of that tavern all over again. Only this time, she has so much more loss and sorrow and chaos behind her. At the same time, it's all so foreign. The only adult relationships she's had have been based on seduction, manipulation and force. They hadn't cared about her and she certainly hadn't cared about them.

"Regina?"

"Daniel died. Here, in the stables. Twice." She's never had so much trouble making sentences. If this is vulnerability, she wishes she'd never touched it.

Robin makes no move, but his eyes never leave her face.

"I'm sorry. If I'd known, I would never have brought you here. Why didn't you tell me?"

Why, indeed?

"I…thought it would be fine. As it turns out, I was wrong."

His gaze remains fixed on her, as if he is waiting for her to do something.

"Is that all?" he asks.

She blanches, heat rising to her face.

"I'd say it's enough!" she snaps and his eyes widen.

"No," he says, holding up his hands. "That's not what I meant. I meant…" He breathes in. "I meant is there anything else on your mind?"

He's desperately reaching out to her and she's pushing him back just as desperately. Someone's going to lose. And as determined as she always is to win, it doesn't actually happen all that often.

"It's enough," she repeats.

He stands up a little straighter, lifting his chin. His hands are at his sides, unclenched.

"And are you afraid of Daniel or of me?"

"Does it matter?" She blurts it out before she can censor it.

"I think it matters a great deal," Robin replies, his jaw tightening. "One of us is very much alive. I cannot compete with a ghost, Regina." He hesitates. "Are you using this as an excuse? Are you about to accuse me of the same thing with Marian? That's what this is about, isn't it? Your Daniel died here and you'd rather focus on that than admit that you're terrified about _us_."

No, it's not that at all. Is it? She's thought of nothing but Daniel in the past two days…no, that's not right, either. She's been thinking of her gaping void of a past, the howling maelstrom in which Daniel is but one part. She's been thinking of the thing that's about to happen, the thing that will drive a wedge between her and Robin again and this time will be it. There'll be no more chances after that. She never imagined there'd be _this_ chance.

Because villains don't…

And if they do…

"Do you think I'm here because Marian's gone?" Robin asks suddenly.

She has no answer for that. Or rather, she doesn't want to say the answer she has out loud, should it be true.

"I didn't choose you because there was no other choice to be made, Regina. Believe me at least to be a man capable of making my own choices. Your fairy's pixie dust didn't suddenly seize control of my mind and lock me into some destiny I didn't ask for. When Marian said goodbye to me, I said goodbye to her, too. The man I am now is the one who wants to be with you, Regina. That didn't change because of a time portal. It certainly didn't make things easy, but it didn't change that." He runs a hand through his hair and takes a step closer. "I won't force you to be with me, of course I won't, but I think you do want it. You fought so hard to keep me away that I think you want it. This. Us."

This time, he steps close enough to place gentle hands on her shoulders. She stares at him, wondering what words would fall from her mouth if she let them.

"I know you're afraid and I know you _hate_ that I know that," he said seriously. "We're not where we were before, but I think we can get there and then, who knows? You're too important to me to let this go, Regina."

She feels how much he means it. He's afraid too. Everything that has happened has hurt him as much as it has hurt anyone. Maybe she hadn't seen his pain as much as she'd thought.

He sighs and moves to turn away. She lurches forward to grab his hand before he can turn fully. Just like that first night by the fire when she had reached out for him, taken him by the jacket and dived in to him. He hadn't expected it then and she wonders if he expects it now. He's given all he can give, laid it all out plainly and there's nothing left to do but wait and see what she'll do.

She doesn't know what she'll do. Not tomorrow anyway and not next week. Hasn't life taught her that the future is unwritten? That her own destiny is there to be made? She'd said that so confidently to Zelena, once.

He's looking at her now and she's got such a tight hold of his hand. That was already the first step, wasn't it? Reaching out? She moves forward until they're chest to chest and she leans in briefly, kissing him softly, before drawing back. His eyes stare into hers and he links their fingers together.

"I'm…afraid," she whispers. He already knows this, but she knows he wants to hear it from her own mouth. "I wasn't lying when I said I never thought I'd have this." She shook her head slightly. "And the moment I said it, the very thing I had guarded myself against happened." She hears her voice crack. "I…felt so foolish, like everything my mother had ever said to me was suddenly proved right." She swallows hard. "But, then, Marian…I don't know why she did what she did…"

"Because she loved me," Robin finishes, tilting her chin up with one finger. "Because she saw the way things are and wanted me to be happy. I can be happy with you, Regina. All you have to do is believe it."

She lets out a choked laugh and draws in a deep breath.

_All you have to do is believe it._

"I don't know how…" she begins.

"I can wait," he interrupts, sensing the opening to everything that lies beyond her fears. "I'm a patient man. We can go slowly, learn about each other. I wanted that before, too." He reaches up and runs his fingers through her hair. "You can tell me about Daniel. And your mother. And I'll tell you about my father."

He presses his lips to her forehead and she's held up by the force of his conviction.

"If you can't believe it right now, do what you did before. Use my heart for both of us. I don't want to let this go again."

His grip on her hair is tight. She's pulled hard against him, her arms wedged between them.

Does she believe? She had thought so before, before…and then it had all gone to hell. But, his arms are around her now and his words are in her ear, his lips on her skin and she grits her teeth at the agony of this indecision.

_All you have to do is believe._

She clenches her fingers around his shirt, squeezing it until her knuckles turn white. She thinks of Henry, of how he stopped her from destroying herself. And of Snow, whose midnight sojourns have forced her to creep back from the edge of her hopelessness every night. She's believed in them, hasn't she?

Why not add another? Another whose embrace feels as if it will hold her back from any and everything that would hurt. She wants to believe.

It's all she ever wanted.

Regina lifts her head and opens her mouth, receiving his eagerly.

"Be patient," she whispers between kisses she doesn't think have ever been so frantic. "Be patient."

He nods, pulling her closer.


End file.
